Black and Gold
by Bubblesalltheway
Summary: Being Black meant something and always had. But what if it didn't? A look inside the mind of Sirius Black from his first day at Hogwarts.
1. Before it Began

Chapter 1: Before it began

Sirius both loved and hated his childhood.

He loved the freedom he had, he loved his little brother and cousins, he loved Poppet his Elf and he loved his Uncle Alphard.

He hated how much his parents ignored him and being cooped up in Grimauld Place while they enjoyed a life of luxury travelling the world and only returning occasionally for social commitments and political meetings. He knew why he had to be cooped up of course: to learn the family trade.

Sirius wasn't only a Black, he was The Black. the heir to the family fortune, honour and tradition. Head of the family to be. Sirius loved this fact. He didnt really understand what it meant, except that it have him power over Reg, Bella, Andy and Cissy and he loved that. He loved to tease them about it and what he would make them do when he became Head!

And teasing was fun when you were little and Bella especially was so much older! 9 years in fact! She had finished Hogwarts two summers ago and had spent the last two years studying in Paris. So Sirius hadnt seen her once and missed lording it over her in the way only a child could get away with. Bella respected the authority of The Black and loved her little cousin but she wasnt the kind of girl to actually pay much attention to him until he deserved it!

Andy, a mere 5 years above Sirius and home for the summer having completed her OWLs was much more fun. she would play little lordling with Sirius and pretend to follow his orders all whilst secretly getting Sirius to do what she wanted. He loved Andy for this and for the time she spent teaching him about Hogwarts. The family half planned to marry him to Andy when he was older and to him, at the age of 11 this plan didn't seem too bad. not great, because who wants to get married at all? But ok really as he loved Andy, she was pure and a Black and he knew his duty.

Cissy was the beauty of the family and that was already being exploited to attract suitors despite her only being 15. Cissy was pulled out of the nursery for every social event and had been since she was 5. She had perfect angel features and a million different skills that could be shown off. Fluent in French, perfect on the piano, dainty and skilled as a dancer. The down side of this to Sirius was that she was rarely around for him to boss around!

That left Reg: the baby of the family and Sirius's shadow. Reg idolised Sirius snd Sirius doted on Reg. Only 2 years separated the boys and some people thought they were twins. 4 years ago when Cissy started Hogwarts it left just Sirius, Reg, Poppet and Kreacher at home and it showed in how close the boys had become. Hidden away from the world, tutored by the elves and occasionally their uncle, Sirius and Reg made up their oen world, their own rules! They played at blood purity: ridding the world of muggles and mud bloods and having pretend duels all over the house. Of course, Sirius and Reg had never met a Muggle or Mudblood and couldnt quite work out how their enemies should behave purely through lack of understanding.

Bella used to tell them that Mudbloods were filthy theives trying to steal the Black way of life and that they needed wiping out like rats before they took over.

Andy said they weren't worth thinking about and mattered as little as ants beneath your feet.

Cissy said they were stupid and uncultured.

Since Bella's tale was the most interesting Sirius and Reg took her views to heart when they played and over time, between their games and overhearing their parents conversations this truly became how Sirius and Reg thought.

So when on August 31st 1971 at 11pm Andy snuck out of the room she was sharing with Cissy, knocked gently on Sirius's door and asked to talk to him, life was never the same again...

* * *

Thoughts??


	2. More Grey than Black

Chapter 2: More Grey than Black

Andy tiptoed into Sirius's room, closed the door and despite still being 2 months from her 17th birthday muttered a few concealment and privacy spells.

"Yet another advantage to being a pure blood" she sighed, confusing Sirius even more.

"What's up Andy?" he said moving up in the bed to leave room for her to sit.

"I need to talk to you Sirius, and I need you to promise to never tell anyone what I tell you..."

"I love you Andy! Of course you can trust me!" Sirius replied hotly. For an honour obsessed 11 year old he was highly offended at the suggestion he would tell! "besides, I can't remember the last time either of our parents listened to a word we say!"

"But you cant even tell Reg or Poppet!" Andy said earnestly. "Despite your upbringing, maybe because of it, I need to tell you this and now, while you have a chance. I want you to be free!"

Very curious and confused at this point Sirius sat and waited for Andy to begin...

"What do you know about witches and wizards who are not pure bloods Sirius?"

He knew how to answer this, but wasn't sure why this was a secret: "Mudbloods and half bloods are polluting our society. They want to take over the wizarding world the way that ants climb over a rotting corpse. They need to be put in their place and controlled."

"But why do you think that Sirius? Have you ever spoken to one?"

"Of course not! I'm never allowed out except to arranged boring meet ups with mother and father's friends and their families! I have to keep my hands and mind clean".

"You sound brainwashed. And awful! I must have been like this once too". Andy looked embarrassed and nervous. Sirius didn't understand but he did feel she was sharing something important with him.

Andy took a deep breath and began again.

"5 years ago, I set off to Hogwarts feeling like you do, sounding like you do. Because it was all I had ever known. I was sorted into Slytherin as it was the only acceptable choice, despite being offered Ravenclaw. I only associated with pure bloods, ignored and looked down on everyone else. I followed the Black motto and kept myself always pure.

But then in second year something happened. I was paired with a muggle born boy for a charms assignment. I dreaded it, feared being found out and was nothing but rude to him but he just laughed at me. He found my rudeness hilarious and mocked my narrow minded views. After the assignment was completed he started saying hello in the corridors, asking to sit with me in the library if everywhere else was full. Tiny insignificant things. I continued to snub him for the whole year out of fear but he had sparked something in me.

By third year I found myself looking around for him, noticing him and wanting to talk to him again. He intrigued me. Why? Because he was _normal_. Well, more than normal. He was exceptional. Top of the year, popular, good looking. A _muggleborn boy._ It didn't compute! I had always been told you could spot mudbloods a mile off, that they were stupid and incompetent. But Ted wasn't. He was a breathe of fresh air in a stuffy world and I let him in. Not much, nothing to make Bella worry about me, but I let him in. I chose to work with him when we were allowed to choose. I used his friendship with Frank Longbottom (his Grandmother Harfang married a Black) to talk to him and got to know him. it took two years but by the end of 4th year I counted him a friend.

Think what this meant to me! A Black with a muggle born Ravenclaw friend! But I have learnt so much from Ted. He has expanded my knowledge and understanding and I have realised something: it isn't just him. There really is no difference between wizards. Blood status doesn't matter.

Except in Slytherin. I guess that is why I didn't dare become friends with Ted until 4th year, once Bella had left! Cissy has been too busy cultivating her popularity and fighting off beaus to notice that I don't hang around with Slytherin students anymore. My best friend is a McMillan: Shannon, some distant cousin of ours I think so acceptable to all, despite her Ravenclaw colours, but the rest? A mix of half bloods and muggleborns from all the houses! It's wonderful and terrifying and so liberating! But my parents, and yours, would kill me if they found out!"

At this last Andy suddenly silenced, as if realising this fact herself for the first time. Sirius was trying to take it all in. He could feel the cogs in his mind moving, grating against all he had ever known.

"You really can't tell who is who?" he whispered at last.

"Only by the attitude of some of the pure bloods: mainly Slytherins, who think they are above everyone else. The rest just mix equally!"

Sirius was speechless for a good few minutes...

"Why did you tell me this Andy?"

"Because I want you to have choices I never had. Now maybe you should be a Slytherin, but maybe not. I was given the choice to be Ravenclaw and I wish now I had taken it. But I was brainwashed and scared. I want you to be free to make your own choices and write your own future. You are more than the future Black family head. You are Sirius: funny and cute and loyal!"

There seemed little more to say at this point so Andy hugged her little cousin tight, reminded him to keep her secret and left. Sirius lay in bed, unable to sleep wondering what had happened. Could it be true? What did it mean? Excitement and intrigue warring in his mind with 11 years of inbuilt beliefs and 'facts'.

* * *

So, Andy has given Sirius a choice...

Any thoughts?


	3. A new Beginning

Chapter 3: A new beginning

Sirius didn't fall asleep until close to 4am, mulling over what Andy had said to him. It was so in contrast with how Bella and Cissy felt (and his parents) but it did sort of make sense. Because, if Magic was Might then how did you explain Squibs? And if Muggleborns were so disgusting and foul as Bella said, why did so many Pure Bloods marry them? That was a problem he had heard his Aunt and mother discussing! How limited the marriage choices were these days due to so many families muddying their blood!

He thought with embarrassment of his games of hunt the mudblood and really felt very young despite being off to Hogwarts tomorrow. He didn't know what to do!

Finally sleep came but it did not bring enlightenment and before he knew what was happening Sirius was being side-apparated by Poppet onto the busy platform 9 3/4 with Andy on Poppet's other side and Reg, Cissy and Kreacher just behind.

Cissy waved a delicate hand and no less than 6 boys ran up to help with her luggage. She hesitated, considering her options then smiled at Will Avery a good looking 7th year and allowed him to escort her onto the train with her luggage.

"They don't know she is just playing with them!" Andy muttered to Sirius.

"Lucius Malfoy graduated last year so everyone is making their play for Cissy, but mother told me last week that as soon as Bella and I confirm our engagements, she will confirm Cissy and Malfoys!"

"I didn't know you were engaged Andy? or Bella?" questioned Sirius.

"I'm not" Andy replied heatedly! "But mother thinks at 16 I should be. I have been told in no uncertain terms that if I am not engaged myself by the end of Hogwarts then I will be married to you! Which might not seem to bad to you now" she continued looking st Sirius's hurt expression, "but trust me, you want freedom to choose your own life partner!

And Bella is almost engaged I think. She wrote to me last week that Rodolphus has asked father for her hand and the Lestranges and Blacks are negotiating!"

This was news to Sirius, but not unexpected as Bella had been staying with the Lestrange family in Paris for the last two years while she studied and both the boys were obviously taken with her.

Poppet came up to Sirius and bowed deeply before saying "Master Sirius Sir! The train leaves in 5 minutes and you must be getting on Sir! Master Reg is going home now. Where would you like your trunk?"

Sirius grinned at Poppet and gave her a quick hug much to her delight and embarrassment. He then hugged Reg, picked up his trunk and jumped onto the train.

"I'm off to make my own way Poppet! Freedom and space for me! Bye Reg!"

"Very good Master Sirius" squeaked Poppet. "Poppet will see you tonight".

Sirius had forgotten that the Black's sent their elves to Hogwarts to look after the Heir but smiled at the thought of this home comfort. Reg looked sadly up at Sirius as Kreacher grabbed his arm and they both disappeared.

Sirius watched Andy run up to and hug Shannon then turned and walked alone through the train. A couple of coaches in he found a compartment which just had two occupants: a small greasy haired boy with an air of neglect surrounding him snd and a bubbly red headed girl. They were whispering to each other as if they were best friends so Sirius moved onto the next compartment. Here was another boy with a messy head of hair but an aristocratical air that Sirius recognised. He opened the door and wandered in.

"Hi, I'm Black, Sirius Black, who are you?"

"Black? I think we have one of those on our family tree! I'm James Potter".

Comforted Sirius moved into the compartment. The Potter's were a well kmown, rich, old Pure Blood family. Sirius had decided to take Andy's advise but he didn't want to move too fast! Potter seemed like a reasonable first step.

* * *

8 hours and several packets of sweets later they had finally arrived at Hogwarts. Sirius had really enjoyed his time with Potter and was feeling very comfortable in his surroundings. The cute red head from earlier seemed pretty bossy but he hadn't automatically realised she was a mudblood from their conversation and Mary McDonald (another mudblood he had met on the train) was both funny and witty. As the crowd of first years moved up the hall towards the old sorting hat Sirius contemplated life. He liked James and James seemed certain to be in Gryffindor like his parents. He didn't like Mulciber and Nott, boring playmates of his youth who had already beaten up a second year mudblood on the train. He didn't think he was very political minded but he did like pissing his parents off. Maybe, if he asked, he could get into Gryffindor? Brave sounded good. It wasn't like he wanted to be in Hufflepuff, his parents couldn't mind _that much_. It was tempting and a challenge and would please Andy.

Sirius didn't have long to consider his options as his was only the third name called out "Black, Sirius" and he had to walk alone to the platform and sit on the stool. He placed the hat on his head and heard a voice...

"Hmmm, a Black. This used to be an obvious choice but you don't seem sure. Most of your family are thinking 'Slytherin' over and over and even those I have advised could do well elsewhere have ignored me. Hmmm. Very interesting. You have recently received a shock and you feel it may offer opportunities, very interesting indeed. You are smart definitely and loyal to those you feel deserve it. There is snobbery in there too and entitlement. But not much ambition, curious. Could that be because you know what your future holds? Hmmm..."

The hat continued in this way for quite a while confusing both Sirius and itself. Finally it seemed to pause to think and then to Sirius's surprise and to the surprise of most of the Great Hall it belowed out "Gryffindor".

Sirius removed the hat and glanced around. James winked at him, Andy looked hopeful but scared, Mulciber and Nott looked annoyed and Cissy was blinking back tears. There were whispers everywhere as he walked over to the Gryffindor table and sat next to a red headed prefect. He wasn't quite sure what had happened or how he felt about it but he dreaded Bella finding out! He pushed forth his Black persona and held his head high, ignoring the whispers and pretended to focus on the sorting.

James joined him in Gryffindor as did the cute red head (Evans), Mary Mcdonald, a nervous looking fat boy (Petigrew), an ill looking skinny boy (Lupin) an athletic looking black girl (Mckinnon) and a smiling curly haired girl (Griffiths).

Once the hat had finished Dumbledore stood up and said a few generic words and a short warning "In recent years our world has been splitting assunder, caught up in opposing views. In this castle we are all united, all equal and all deserving of merit. No matter your families political leanings we will work together in this school or you will be removed. Let the feast begin..."

"Wh...aaaattt was that about" muttered fat little Petigrew. He was answered by the prefect next to Sirius who introduced himself as Arthur.

"Have you never heard of the Death Eaters? They used to be a political movement, coercing the government into anti muggle and anti muggleborn policies but they have been expanding their remit to torture, murder and threats this summer."

The eyes of all the first years looked shocked -apart from James who was nodding solemnly. He continued the conversation.

"My dad has been called a blood traitor because he still hires muggleborns. He has received threats of violence but he won't be threatened! He's a pure blood and proud of it and married to one of the sacred 28, but says that he is free to hire the best Witches and Wizards to work for him, not just those who had famous ancestors!"

Sirius was scared to speak. He was sacred 28 and had only ever been allowed friends within that group. Part of him was glad to know James' status would be deemed aceptable at home and part of him was petrified that he had accidentally switched sides or was at risk of it if he didn't act quickly. Andy's advise had seemed life changing but this was becoming life threatening! He needed time to think!

Luckily the Welcoming Feast at Hogwarts was a jovial affair with conversations soon returning to excitement. Sirius watched and took in those around him but didnt say much. This continued all the way through the castle and into his dorm room. He flopped himself on his bed, closed his eyes and hoped he could make sense of it all tomorrow.

* * *

Our first bit of Bella next :)


	4. How to Change the Habit of a lifetime

Chapter 4: How to change the habit of a lifetime.

Over the next couple of weeks Sirius and James got to know each other. As Pure Bloods they had both been quite isolated as they grew up: living in their manors with tutors and a few select friends. However, Sirius found the similarities ended there.

James was an only child, overindulged and somewhat spoilt from huge amount of love and attention his parents and elves gave him. He had an ego of similar size to Sirius's, but itvwas directed differently. He loved and was loved by everyone he had ever known and continued this trend at Hogwarts making friends with all and sundry whatever their blood status, house or gender (except for Slytherins, but this was their choice as he was quickly branded a blood traitor).

Sirius was far more reserved, having only known affection from Reg, his uncle, his cousins and Poppet and being far more used to icy indifference from adults. Sirius opened himself up warily to James as he recognised him as an equal, both in status and in academic ability but he struggled with the rest of Gryffindor and the wider Hogwarts community. He kept hearing echoes of Andy's words in his mind and he _wanted_ to accept others, but he had 12 years of thoughts, actions and ingrained beliefs to overcome. His first real failure came one week into term when he and James were sitting up in their dormitory discussing their housemates.

James had decided himself in love with the cute but bossy Lily Evans and was giving Sirius a running commentary of her actions so far this week. He had just reached her success in charms: being the third in the class to master "Wingardium Leviosa" (after the two boys themselves) when Sirius responded with "I know, pretty impressive for a mudblood who can't have had any magical help from home!"

Suddenly James stopped talking and stared at Sirius in shock. "Why do you use that word? It's horrible!"

Sirius was confused. He had never heard anyone use any other term to describe a witch or wizard like Lily. He tried desperately to explain.

"What word? Mudblood? That's what she is though? I just meant to say that you and I are from magical households, we see spells at home all the time and have both borrowed others wands over the years for practice and she hasn't! "

"If you have to comment on her birth at all, there are far nicer ways to do it! My parents would wash out my mouth with soap and take away my broomstick if I ever used that word for a muggleborn!" James still looked shocked at Sirius.

"It's my parents who use that term James" mumbled Sirius. "They spent years teaching me to look down on anyone who's blood wasn't pure. That and learning the family tree off by heart was just about the only conversations I ever had with my parents. _'You are a Black, that means something. You are above the rest, a natural leader. Don't mix with those beneath you unless you have to and never ever consider a mudblood a friend unless you want to bring shame on the family'. "_

"Ok." said James, "Now it is time for me to teach you to change the habits of a lifetime! I thought you seemed alright on the train, and the sorting hat obviously agreed as it kept you away from Slytherin, but it sounds like you need some help becoming fully decent!" he grinned. "Are you up for the challenge?"

Sirius considered for a minute. He trusted Andy and he trusted James, but a memory stirred in his mind of a visitor his family had hosted a couple of years before: Lord Voldemort. This was just before Bella left for France and he remembered her passion for the the man and how keen she was to pass his message onto Sirius. Bella felt being a Black meant something. Bella had spent her 7 years in Hogwarts sticking to that line. Was Bella really wrong? Sirius could understand talking to Mudbl... muggleborns, but he had always loved playing the little lordling. Was he really going to have to give that up to be friends with James?

"I don't know James" Sirius began. "Maybe you are right and I shouldn't use that word, but you're a pure blood! You must feel superior to them? That they need keeping in place?"

James looked thoughtful for a minute and Sirius continued. "I mean, its like Poppet, my elf. I love her, she's my friend but she isn't my equal! She is part of the magic world but as a servant! Isn't that a good compromise for Mudb... muggleborns? To allow them into our world so we can keep track of them, but to limit their job choices and marriages? Your dad must think along similar lines! He is happy to have them working for him, but he wouldn't want to take orders from one surely?"

Whatever James would have said next was cut off by the arrival of an Owl at their window. James opened the window and the bird flew to Sirius and held out a leg containing a red envelope to him. Sirius took the envelope and the bird flew off.

Sirius looked down at the envelope which was starting to smoke and suddenly it burst open and a shrieking voice came out of it:

_"Sirius Black, what on earth were you thinking? _Gryffindor_!? That house is full of Blood Traitors and Mudbloods. Your parents are so embarrassed! You have let the family down. You are going to be _The Black_, the future of our family is on your head. Toujours Pur! Do you have any idea what I have had to do to maintain our family name after your betrayal? My Lord is demanding pledges of loyalty. Your parents and mine are having to pay for this. See tomorrow's Prophet for more details! Strengthen your resolve and commitment to the family. Before it is too late!"_

The envelope and paper stopped shouting and exploded in a mess of sparks. James and Sirius looked at each other.

"Who, was that?!" James asked

"That was my cousin Bella. She doesn't seem pleased with my Gryffindor status" Sirius attempted to joke. "I wonder what she meant? And who her Lord is? I can't imagine her calling her fiancé Lord!"

James sighed. "Maybe turning you into a decent bloke is going to be more trouble than it's worth Sirius! I'm not even sure you _want_ to be decent!" and with that James pulled the curtains of his 4 poster accross leaving Sirius on his own.

Although he wouldnt use the term "decent", he did agree that he had to make some choices. The advice of his two cousins seemed to be warring with each other in his mind. He wanted to be a good and powerful Black, he wanted to be friends with James and he didn't feel strongly about muggleborns being around him as long as he was smarter than them! But was he going to be allowed to remain neutral to the world? He bet Bella was a supporter of the Death Eaters and their desire to cleanse the wizarding world. He would lose her if he didn't take the same route. He would lose James if he did! But Andy managed to remain neutral. Slytherin and proud, but friends to others. Sirius drifted off to sleep thinking about it...he just wanted to live and let live!

The next morning he went down to breakfast with James. The two were not really talking so it took Sirius a while to notice no-one else was either. The great hall was almost silent. Everyone seemed to be reading the Prophet. James and Sirius exchanged a look, grabbed a copy and read the headline:

**6 Muggleborns dead in France.**

**Strange mark left in the sky above their house (picture on page 3)**

**Aurors on the scene describe scene inside where the victims bodies were mutilated with words carved into their skin:**

**_The Dark Lord has Risen. Let the Purge begin. Toujours Pur or die._**

* * *

Time for Sirius to pick a side...


	5. Toujours Pur or Die

Chapter 5: Toujours Pur or Die

James and Sirius looked at each other. Sirius felt he was going into shock.

"Oh Merlin, Oh Merlin" he mumbled , shaking. James grabbed his arm and dragged him back out of the hall. Sirius hatdly registered where they were going until they stopped next to a fruit bowl painting which James was tickling.

The painting opened and Sirius was dragged through into the kitchens. Elves rushed up to them bowing with Poppet at the front "What is wrong with Master Sirius Sir?" she squeaked?

"A bit of a shock" said James, he just needs some space." Poppet ushered them to a corner and left them with the promise of food. Sirius looked up at James.

"Those muu..murders. They are my fault! That was Bella's message! To me. Stay Pure or die!"

"Sirius?" James hesitated. "Do you think Bella is a death eater? A murderer?"

"What else could it be? She said she had to prove her loyalty to her lord. That must mean Voldemort. Oh Merlin's pants! What have I done? Why did Andy do this? Those poor people! It's my fault. You must hate me now James!"

James snorted. "It's not you I hate! Yes, you use a bad word about muggleborns but you talk to Evans, Petigrew and McDonald ok and considering what I've learnt about your family that makes you pretty angelic! It's not your fault mate. But you are going to have to choose! If this was a threat at you and not just your cousin committing murder...well, could you be swayed? Would you join that side? Actively be involved in more than just snobbery?"

"No! Of course not. But my family James! If Bella was right they are funding Voldemort! She is an active death eater. I was brought up to think like she does. You say I have to pick a side. Ok. Between you and me I have done. I might be a snob but I am not a murderer. I could never kill Petigrew or Evans! If I was to blane for their deaths in any way I would never forgive myself. But I can't say that...yet."

James looked disappointed, he took a deep breathe unsure if he was about to start a speech and change Sirius's mind or to give up on Sirius for good, but a pained expression in Sirius's eyes mare him pause.

"I can't _yet_ mate. If I do, they will disown me, blast me off the tree, maybe even try to kill me. But that's not what is holding me back. That headline. It's changed everything to me. It's suddenly so clear..."

"Then why can't you commit? I know we are only 11 but..."

Sirius looked at James with eyes watering "Reg. My brother, my shadow. He grew up with Bella and Cissy and me all telling him mudbloods are scum. He overhears our parents. He is exactly where I was before Andy. I can't make a stand now. I need to try and save him too. Once he is old enough to understand and choose I will be right beside you. But for now, I've got to appease Bella and make this go away."

Poppet came over then with two glasses of pumpkin juice and sone toast. Sirius hugged her and she blushed.

"Master Sirius Sir shouldn't be hugging Poppet. It's beneath him sir!"

"No." said Sirius. "It's not, you're not and I'm sorry I have looked down on you before. I am lucky to have you Poppet. I am going to need your help over the next few years!"

"A toast then?" asked James. "To lightening the black house of Black from the inside!"

Sirius clinked glasses with James.

"Now, how to appease Bella?"

* * *


End file.
